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Are you guilty of “holding on too tight” to most things in your life?
Are you afraid of letting go for one minute because the wheels may fall off the bus?
Are you deep in the weeds because you don't trust it can be done any other way and/or don't want to burden anyone else with the issue?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, you are not alone. I’ve noticed a trend while coaching my executive leadership clients, primarily in the high-achieving working women and moms. They are exhausted and struggling to keep “control” of their time and their life. This struggle leads to feelings of inadequacy, fatigue, burnout, and eventually a meltdown of some kind (and usually at the wrong time or with the wrong person).
While this exhaustion is different for everyone, many of the common indicators I notice include:
Every time slot on your work calendar is booked - which is usually accompanied by an endless list of personal “to-do’s” and no actual time to do them
Constant interruptions by associates on your team or colleagues for clarification, direction, approvals, etc.
Putting off important self-care appointments like annual physicals, dentist appointments, mammograms, OB appointments, etc. Add to the list other healthcare appointments that might be related to orthopedic issues holding you back from the gym, updating your eyeglass prescriptions, and even appointments for nutritional guidance to aid in adjusting metabolism issues as you age. The list goes on and on.
Serving as the primary point for all household scheduling and activities – including house maintenance, family doctor appointments, school events for your kids, pet care, etc.
And more...
To me, this isn’t control! This is being controlled.
In exploring these personal indicators with my clients, I've also recognized some general challenges that emerge and lead to strong feelings of overwhelm and being out of control.
Team performance issues that lead you to micro-management, have an inability to delegate, and constantly manage fire drills.
Poor boundary setting with associates, colleagues, friends, and significant others (e.g., checking emails after 6 pm on a regular basis, weekend work, always saying yes to special projects, being the first one to jump in to help plan/coordinate social events, etc.)
Fear of conflict and holding back from having difficult/courageous conversations with co-workers and/or significant others to provide feedback - and especially to ask for help.
Prioritizing other people's needs over your own needs.
Failing to proactively time-block work calendars (or to honor "flow time*" when you do).
This list above probably doesn’t surprise you. The fixes aren’t easy but believe me when I say that there are fixes.
And while not easy, I’ve discovered a simple way to get started and I want to share it with you. It starts with reframing your mindset. This requires a pivot from “I have no control” to “I can absolutely control my day”. It requires you to focus on what you actually have control over and to let go of the rest. If you believe you can control your day, feel empowered to make decisions – you can take the actions needed to create the time/space you need.
What is within your control?
Addressing team performance issues.
Creating a team culture.
Taking the necessary steps to turnover associates that are draining team productivity or chemistry.
Clearly communicating expectations, accountabilities and consequences.
Creating management systems to streamline your productivity including regular one-on-ones, team meetings, and blocking your calendar for “flow time”.
Communicating boundaries to your team regarding pop-in’s, texts, after-hour calls, etc.
Delegating, saying no, and having real conversations about sharing household and childcare responsibilities (or outsourcing support if you are a single parent or have the resources to do so).
Changing your mindset from being a victim to circumstance to that of believing you are in control of your day/life.
Note: the last bullet is the secret sauce here.
Change your mindset from being a victim to circumstance to that of believing you are in control.
If you are ready to release the things you cannot control and focus on what you can - but need some help in taking those first steps (and maybe a little accountability in making sure that you do take those first steps), then having a leadership coach is a great resource for you. Here is what a certified leadership coach can do to help you. They will help you:
Uncover, discuss, and understand your current mindset.
Identify the root cause(s) of your overwhelm or behaviors.
Support you to develop mental reframes.
Work together to identify key goals with actions to address each one.
Uncover what can get (or is getting) in the way of your success - and find solutions / strategies to overcome.
Celebrate the wins and keep the momentum going!
As successful leaders (for some of us as parents too) – we have a ton to manage. It is absolutely possible to have a successful career and a happy healthy life. You just have to believe it and take the actions to achieve it. We’re here to help!
*Flow time is a helpful productivity tool to use time blocking to boost productivity. There are hundreds of articles on Flow Time, but this one is my favorite: https://www.betterup.com/blog/flow-state
Ann Ritterspach, The Growth Coach is a catalyst for YOUR growth. As an Executive Leadership Coach, Ann leverages her extensive business leadership experience to connect deeply with you, understand your unique challenges without judgment, and support you in taking control of your career and your life. Ann's mission is to ignite your energy, challenge your perspective, and provide unwavering support as you pursue your career goals and dreams.
Learn how to take control of your own life. Book a free strategy session with Ann today!